Shakespeare’s 18th sonnet is still the greatest love poem ever written. It’s beautiful, and like all good sexy stuff it’s full of bragging. But what has it got to do with luxury watches? Well, it’s all about time. And with Valentine’s Day coming up, it got me thinking about the other beautiful things with which humans have been immortalising their twin fascinations with time and sex. Obviously I’m talking about Swiss luxury watches. Ever since people have been carrying the time around, in their pocket or on their wrist, they’ve been using watches to mark special occasions–and attract lovers.
Some sexy luxury watches, like the explicit jacquemart movements popular with Victorian collectors (and making a comeback today–check out the Ulysse Nardin Hourstriker Erotica for a very saucy scene indeed), bring a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘watch porn’. Others are more restrained, suggestive: in other words, more suited to giving a would-be partner on February 14. Like one of these…
Ever tongue-in-cheek, Richard Mille (whose pieces have regularly shocked the straight-laced world of haute horlogerie with their outrageously showy design) has given the Erotic Tourbillon movement the only possible designation for a sexy watch: 69. The Richard Mille RM69 Erotic Tourbillon incorporates three rollers in its dial, which move like the destination boards at an airport to display randomly created saucy messages. More cleverly – and for a luxury watch fan, the sexiest part of the operation – the RM69 movement is able to flip the hour and minute hands out of the way whenever the wearer wants to flash an X-rated mechanical text message at their intended.
Some things get the message across even more directly than a poem. It’s safe to say, if you bought the object of your desire a Chopard Happy Diamonds Icons Watch, she’d know what you were trying to tell her. After all, what would you rather have? Some often-used words from the world’s greatest poet–or £18k’s worth of luxury watch, filled with beautifully moving diamonds? And if you really want to say it with precious stones, you could get down on one knee and pop a Chopard Happy Diamonds Icons ring on the table too. It’s a guaranteed ‘I do’.
Like the hottest love affairs, sexy watches have always hidden their charms from public view. And the Piaget Rose Secret Watch is all the evidence I need that you don’t have to be explicit to be alluring. The delicate dial of this little masterpiece is concealed in the petals of a rose-shaped pink-gold-and-diamond case. Total up the brilliants set into the case and the buckle, and you get more than 700 diamonds for your money. That should be enough to keep any paramour happy.
According to Baume & Mercier, the Clifton 10211 Chronograph Black is the ‘perfect piece to mark any of life’s special moments’. In other words, if you get engaged this Valentine’s, say it with luxury watches. This 43 mm chronograph is as sexy as they come, and it’s guaranteed to make him feel like a million dollars.
Vacheron Constantin’s Metiers d’Art collection is all about sophistication. Bringing the most technical of movements together with the most astonishing feats of casemaking art, every one is a work of beauty worthy of its own sonnet. For a Valentine’s watch, I’ve chosen the Vacheron Constantin Metiers d’Art Fabuleux Ornements – French Lace. While the name conjures images of lingerie, the watch itself fits more into the category of delicate jewellery. And the movement, seductively revealed in a skeletonised subdial featuring hour and minute hands, is as perfectly-poised as they come. Surrounded by intricate scrollwork, inset with dozens of diamonds, and mounted on a passion-red strap in alligator leather, this luxury watch is the embodiment of beauty. It’s even supplied with a magnifying glass, so you can explore its secrets in detail.
What’s your ultimate Valentine’s watch? Sexy or stunning, let me know on Facebook or Twitter.