Zoolander No. 2 is hitting UK cinemas on February 12. Judging by the trailer, it’s going to be full of fantastic new outfits, OTT eyebrow-waggling and wild hairstyles–not to mention Justin Bieber getting offed by a mysterious figure on a black motorbike! The trailer got me thinking about the most outrageous luxury watches I’ve seen recently, and which ones Derek and co would choose to wear. This is what I came up with…
ninasaxbro – Pinterest
The crazy-haired supervillain of the original Zoolander is back, and he’s badder than ever! From the trailer, it looks like Mugatu’s spent his time in prison brooding on the injustices served up by Derek Zoolander in the first movie (and designing a huge muscle suit for the most outrageous comeback entrance ever). If he needs to time his evil masterplan to perfection, Mugatu will probably do it on a Rolex Cosmograph Daytona ‘Leopard’ Special Edition. The wildest watch Rolex ever made, this piece features a superbly accurate chronograph, developed by in-house boffins to start instantly with an ‘ideal finger pressure’. More importantly, it’s absolutely covered in leopardskin detailing. Rowr.
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Master of eyebrow acting and recipient of more foamy latte smackdowns than any other human in Hollywood history, Todd’s seen his fair share of freaks. So it’s only fitting that he wears one on his wrist. For the man who bears the brunt of Mugatu’s unpredictable hissy fits, I’ve picked the Ulysse Nardin Freak Cruiser. This deceptively simple timepiece doesn’t look as startling as, say, a Richard Mille, but inspect it closer and you’ll see plenty going on under the surface. For a start, there’s the rubber bezel, perfectly suited to the weirdos who run the fashion industry. Then there’s the extraordinary movement, which actually forms part of the minute hand. Oh, and if you look underneath the Ulysse Nardin Freak Cruiser you’ll see a window revealing just how tense the mainspring is. For a man like Todd, who spends most of his life being wound up by Mugatu, that’s a perfect touch. This luxury watch isn’t waterproof, though, so it’s best to avoid splashing it with latte…
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Larry Zoolander is a hard-working man, a fan of quality craftsmanship and sensible good taste–or at least he was, until he reconciled himself to the idea of a son with 3% body fat, 1% brain activity, and a bank account the size of Abu Dhabi. I reckon Larry’s fallen for the good life pretty hard since Zoolander came out, but he’s probably making an effort to hold onto his working-class ideals. The Richard Mille RM 018 Tourbillon Hommage a Boucheron is the perfect choice for his ex-coalminer’s wrist. Larry would totally approve of the amount of work that goes into creating a Richard Mille Tourbillon Hommage a Boucheron, particularly the movement wheels, which are constructed from decorative discs of semi-precious stones. You can take the man out of the mines, but you can’t take the mines out of his half-million-dollar luxury watch…
The man who invented the original killer look needs a luxury watch that will get him noticed. And while you won’t find any blue steel in the construction of the Royal Oak Concept GMT Tourbillon, you will find a collection of just about every futuristic material under the sun. The open-worked dial features a black anodised aluminium tourbillon bridge and a white ceramic central bridge, and the strap’s stark white rubber goes perfectly with Derek’s signature suit. To quote Audemars Piguet, the ‘dial-free futuristic architecture’ of this timepiece is a total reinvention of the legendary Royal Oak. In Zoolander No 2, Derek Zoolander’s another legend in need of reinvention: the question is, will he get his mojo together in time to find out who’s knocking off the world’s hottest musicians and singers, leaving them with his signature expression on their beautiful faces?
Hublot – Pinterest
‘Do I know what product I’m selling today? No. Do I know what I’m doing? No. But I’m here, and I’m gonna give it my best shot…’ Ah, Hansel. Jumbled on the inside, cool on the outside. For the man who probably thinks ‘Classic Fusion’ is a description of his hairdo, there’s only one luxury watch. The Hublot Aerofusion Moon Phase Titanium. Built on the strikingly handsome chassis of Hublot’s Classic Fusion line, as transparent and honest as Hansel himself, the Aerofusion Moon Phase Titanium combines striking horological perfections (like the jumping month and day wheels, clearly visible through the sapphire crystal) with ancient philosophies. Now Hansel will always know what phase the moon is in, even if he doesn’t know exactly where he is. Respect, bra.
Can you think of any truly out there luxury watches to put on the wrists of the Zoolander characters? I’d love to hear about the wildest timepieces you’ve ever seen on Facebook and Twitter.